How to cause a pumpkin pie tsunami – Part 1

And a very good lesson in why it is ill-advised to give this gal vague instructions.

What is a pumpkin pie tsunami you ask?

It’s what you get when you combine family holiday overwhelm, a hastily slung verbal recipe adjustment, and me. That’s right, this post is about cooking as a 2E my friends! Get pumped.

As you’ll likely notice is the case with many of the posts sprinkled throughout this blog, this thought-baby was born from the spark of a reddit post and a positive reaction to my comment.

Because let’s face it, there is nothing quite like postitive-reinforcement to get me babbling. So here’s the lead up:

Random redditor posts a picture of her failed pumpkin pie filling, to the r/baking sub with the title “accidentally added twice as much evaporated milk as required to a pumpkin pie base. Anything I can do with this, or just toss out?”

Advice starts pouring in (ha!) and of course yours truly can’t help but overshare.

I jump in with this:

Having done this in the past, this also works for the times you accidentally triple the evaporated milk, you just need to make three pies and get super creative and obsessive with mixing all of your ingredients evenly. Took me some trial and error and three enormous bowls, but the pies turned out ok.

The story:

So my mom used to make two pumpkin pies for thanksgiving, and her filling recipe was written to make enough filling for those two pies.

I only every made it a handful of times, but this particular year it was my turn to do the pumpkin filling. In the pile of ingredients, mom had stacked two cans of evaporated milk — one large and one small — and included a printed off version of her recipe. The recipe said “pour the cans of evaporated milk into the bowl” I dumped both in without checking the ounces of the two cans on the ingredient list.

After all, mom had said she would be adding a little more condensed milk to the pies this year and who was I to question her recipe adjustments.

I didn’t realize something wasn’t quite right until the bowl started to get very full as I went to add the last of the puréed pumpkin.

So I yelled out to mom who was in the dining room, “you wanted to use all of the big can of pumpkin?”

She yelled back “yup! I just got one big can this year, I figured we’d use all of it since we were going to add a little more of the condensed milk.”

I fill the bowl the rest of the way and have less than an inch of room from the top rim by the time all the ingredients are in. Stirring seems to have become a flood risk.

“Is this the bowl we always use?” I ask, as I hesitate to turn the submerged hand mixer on.

“No, I gave you a different one because I used the big one for the apples, but it should be fine, they are basically the same size and your sister used that one last year. Just be careful when you go to mix it at the end.”

I stare at the bowl, mixer in hand as my little sister comes to assess my confusion.

“That doesn’t look right.”

“Well, I haven’t mixed it all the way yet.”

We both stare at the bowl.

“Did you add more condensed milk?”

“Yeah, I used the stuff she put out.”

“Huh. Well, I was able to use the mixer.”

I stare at the bowl a second more, embarrassed, and flip the switch to the first mark.

SFLOOSH!!

“No!” My sister yells as I immediately flip the switch back off and try to dodge the wave of milky cinnamon squash pulp.

My sister starts laughing hysterically, but with pity in her voice manages to say “haha! Oh noo! what have you DONE? Haha! I meant that I was able to mix it because the bowl wasn’t that full when I did it.”

I clean up the mess as I hand the mixer to her.

She mixes it the rest of the way, “This still doesn’t look right. Did you use all the pumpkin?”

“I tried, that’s why the bowl was so full. There is a little left in the can.”

She looks, “no, this is wrong. Moooom?! Pounceswithwolves messed up the piiiie.”

Mom comes in exasperated, because she wasn’t done setting up the decorations.

“I doubt she messed up the pie…”

“The color is wrong”

“Yeah, I see that. Did you use all the pumpkin?”

Me, “yes! I used all the pumpkin! I used all the cans you gave me just like the recipe said, but it didn’t fit in the bowl very well so I left out like less than a quarter of a cup of pumpkin!”

“Oh, pounces… no.” Mom walks over to look at the rinsed out cans in the sink.

“You used all of the milk?!”

Little sister is popcorn-eating-gif incarnate as she stifles laughter.

“Well yes, the recipe said two cans.”

Sister, “and you didn’t think it was weird that one of those cans was monstrous in comparison to the other one?”

“Well yeah, I did, but mom said she was going to add a little more to it this year so I added both.”

“Man Pounce, you really can’t be trusted with pies.”

“Hey now, that pecan pie last year was not my fault. The recipe never said anything about covering the top with a piece of foil.”

“That’s fair. But then you went and tried to fix it by removing the burnt pecans. It was a disaster.”

“I didn’t want to waste food!”

“Ha! That was not food…”

Mom, who is already using my pumpkin covered measuring cup to scoop out some of the mix and putting it into the pumpkin can, interrupts my sister “well, we can fix THIS one. I have that second half of the pie crust recipe already, I will need you to go get another can of pumpkin purée though, Pounce.”

Little sis jumps in, “I’ll go too. I don’t think we can trust her to know the right size can.”

They both giggle as I dejectedly mope my way upstairs to change my splattered shirt while the seeds of this memory firmly root into my psyche where they will wait for the day, 15 years later, when I finally process all of my shame and embarrassment in a subreddit comment for the benefit of a fellow pie ruiner.

And that’s the story.

Now, naturally I left out a couple of explanatory details here which created gargantuan plot holes.

I know you are all dying to know more. For instance, why had I only made this pie a handful of times? What was the pecan pie incident? Why is your little sister so adorably evil?

Well, that last one you can probably can accurately deduce is from being in the same gene pool as me… but I digress.

Find out all the missing details in our next installment of

“OH THE BAKING HORROR! Part 2: The life and times of an impulsive woman in her kitchen.”

Wait, that isn’t what I titled this.

Anyhow, you get it. Look for my inevitable part 2 in what is likely to be the very near future. In the meantime, have a glorious day my pouncy wolf pack.

The post How to cause a pumpkin pie tsunami – Part 1 first appeared on pounceswithwolves.